while I was growing up,
my mother always had complete disdain for frivolity--
a reason our personalities
clashed more than once over
the years
I only remember her having one tube of bright red lipstick
and a box of costume jewelry,
she still wore the same clothes in her 80s as
she did in her 40s,
not because she couldn’t afford new things
but just didn’t seem to want them
whenever I gave her a nice cashmere sweater,
I would tell her it was second hand whether it was or not
so she wouldn’t complain about me spending too much
she accepted my foolishness as best she could--
my insistence in the 7th grade
on grey suede knee high boots with heels
and no insulation against a Wisconsin winter
my feet were cold all that winter
but I didn’t dare complain
after my mother died,
I found that she had bought herself
a long strand of freshwater pearls
on her last trip to Hawaii
something I never could have imagined her doing
also amongst her things was a photo of her as a young woman,
standing in front of a large pile of snow in what was probably
a brand new short sleeved summer dress and a stylish hat
smiling defiantly against the cold winter’s light
I wear those pearls now
and they
fill me with a warmth
that doesn’t even
begin to compare
with practical winter boots
